A Night In My Life as a Mother of 3.

Its 3AM as I roll over and put my breast back in my nursing bra clipping it back in place. I lightly pat the back of my 3 month old, as she falls back into her deep slumber. It's her 3rd feeding since 11PM. I'm exhausted. My husband sleeps soundly next to us, the dog at my feet hogging all of the tattered quilt. My mind is racing, the two older kids, 11 and 5 are sleeping in their rooms upstairs, and the white noise of the fan next to me is quite soothing. I've gotta get back to sleep, my two days off are over and my next rotation begins tonight. But my mind is racing about all the things I need to do. My stomach is rumbling, so I get up and head to the kitchen after taking special care to barricade the baby from the edge of the bed with my pillows..Hmm. PB&J sounds nice. Maybe a banana too. I look around the kitchen at the dishes that need loaded into the dishwasher... I'll get that tomorrow. I make my sandwich and sit at the bar with a bottle of water.  I login to Facebook, for what purpose I do not know. I'm half through with my 3 AM snack, scrolling through Facebook like it's my job and I'm startled by a small voice coming from the hallway.
"Mommy what are you doing?"
I'm eating a sandwich", I reply, "are you ok?"
"Yes, but, I need tucked in."
"OK buddy. Let's get you back to bed. You've got school in the morning." As I follow my 5 year old redheaded blue eyed boy down the hallway I can't help but notice how much he's grown. It saddens me that he's already 5 and a half years old. He hops into bed and covers up and I carefully tuck him in, pushing the covers underneath him like a cocoon. "I love you buddy, to the moon and back and all the stars in the sky." I close the bedroom door and open the door next to his, peering in at my 11 year old girl, completely uncovered and diagonal in her black wooden trundle bed. I tuck her back in and close the door. I can hear the dogs nails on the wooden stairs... as I round the corner to the staircase he's standing there looking at me. "I know! I'm coming!" He turns around and heads back down. He expects me in bed when I'm home. It's our nap time. I grab the last bite of my sandwich and head downstairs, I hear the baby whimpering, husband is still sound asleep. "What's wrong boo boo?" I pat her butt noticing her diaper is full. I grab the diaper, a couple of wipes, and some desitin, remove the lower portion of her Wheaton Harness, unsnap her sleeper and start changing her diaper. "Wha! WHA!" she billows out. "Shhhh Shhhh Shhhh...." I re strap her harness carefully placing her legs back in the knees out butterfly position she's required to be in for 12 of 24 hours a day. She's still fussing, and sucking her fingers now. Is she seriously hungry again? I look at the time, it 3:55 AM. It's been an hour, she must be starving to death. I lay down next to her and unsnap my nursing bra, she locates my nipple within seconds and is furiously sucking away. "Slow down little Angel, slow down." I really hope her next appointment at Shriners goes well. But I just have this mothers instinct that tells me her hips aren't  healing like they should. Doc said she will have to go in a hard brace soon, if they don't change rapidly in the next 2 weeks. I wonder if this will make positioning for breastfeeding difficult.
My 5 year olds EEG came back abnormal. I wonder what the MRI will show. They started my 11 year old on a new med, I hope this really helps her. My husband is really stressed out. I hope he's getting enough rest tonight. I really think I should be a stay at home mom, so I can give 100% to my family. They need me. I let out a sigh. Baby girl lets off the suction and I roll her on her back, propping her up on my arm and snap my bra back. I need to be home with her. With all of them. But we need my income too. I inhale her sweet baby aromas of lavender and vanilla baby wash. I love that smell. I try to focus on the white noise of the fan... I need sleep....